“I want a life without you in it. I want memories which don’t include you.

I want a heart that never loved you. I want a mind that doesn’t know you.

And I want a new me who never knew you.” ~Willow

 

 

Breathe. No one will break me. I’m strong. Breathe. Just breathe.

 

It wasn’t always that way. Him. Us. I knew people wondered. But it used to be different. It was sweet and loving and everything a girl wanted from a boy. But he learned my secret and in that second he wasn’t my wonderful, perfect boyfriend anymore.

 

He was my jailer.

 

I watched Jaden celebrate on the field with the rest of the football team. Another victory, the Cougars were on their way to another undefeated season. Jaden stuffed his blue and gold helmet under his arm and jogged across the football field. He swiped a bundle of red roses off the team’s bench as he passed. He’d had roses there for me the first time I’d ever went to watch him play.

 

I waited at the fifty yard line after the game just as Jaden had asked. Sweat dripped off the ends of his dirty blond hair and his cheeks were still flushed from running the last play, but he stood in front of me and butterflies swarmed in my belly. Bright, beautiful butterflies. Fluttering their multi-colored wings, tickling me on the inside.

 

“These are for you.” He held out ten magnificent long-stemmed red roses tied in a shimmering white ribbon. “Um, I made sure there were no thorns.” A small smile tipped the corners of his lips giving me a tiny glimpse of his dimples.

 

I sucked in a breath. “They’re so pretty, Jaden, thank you.” I took the roses from him. Goose bumps ran up my spine like someone had tickled me with a feather, and my fingers trembled when I grazed them over the velvety petals. “But shouldn’t I be the one buying you something? You just won the game.” I peeked at him through my lashes.

 

Jaden shook his head slightly and wiped away the sweat on his forehead with his arm. “No. I had to buy something for my good luck charm. Something beautiful for the most beautiful girl here.”

 

I felt my cheeks warm and couldn’t help my nervous giggle when he slid a lock of hair behind my ear. I crossed one foot over the other and brought the flowers to my nose. “Why ten?” I asked, my face buried in the flowers. Ten seemed an unusual number, not that I minded.

 

“I read on the internet that red roses were for love and ten meant you’re perfect.”

 

“Oh,” I breathed just before his lips descended to mine.

 

After that night, at the end of every game, he’d meet me at the fifty-yard-line and give me ten long-stemmed red roses.

 

“Hey.” His voice brought my thoughts back to the present. He leaned in for a kiss. “Some game, huh?” He pressed the flowers into my hand. A thorn bit into the soft flesh of my palm and I winced.

 

“Yeah, you were great.” I knew that’s what he really wanted to hear.

 

He gave me one of his swoon-worthy smiles before jogging toward the school. “I have to shower. Wait for me in the car.” He called over his shoulder before grabbing a scrawny kid by the arm. “Do you have money?” he asked him. He shook the kid’s arm to punctuate his question.

 

“Ye…yeah,” the kid answered.

 

“Good, buy her a Coke.” Jaden shoved the boy toward me, almost knocking him over.

 

I rushed forward, my arms outstretched to catch the boy before he fell face first in the mud. I frowned at Jaden’s retreating back. “Are you okay?” I asked the boy.

 

“Yeah. Here.” He shoved two wadded up bills at me.

 

I shook my head. “No, no, you don’t have to buy me anything to drink. Don’t listen to him.” I pushed the money away.

 

“Ha! Yes I do. I don’t want him handing me my ass.” The boy’s eyes wide, he shoved the money at me. It fluttered to the ground when he turned and jogged away. He acted like I had the bubonic plague. It was close. I dated Jaden.

 

I looked at the ground where the money had fallen. With a sigh I knelt to pick it up just as a black boot landed on top of the two bills. I jerked my hand away and looked up into blue eyes so bright they seemed to glow in the darkness. The owner of the eyes squatted next to me.

 

“Yours?” The guy asked.

 

“No…I mean, not really…” I looked for the kid who gave it to me, but he’d already disappeared into the crowd. I sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”

 

His lips twitched into an amused grin. A lock of dark hair fell over his forehead. “Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.” He picked the money out of the mud and wiped it across the leg of his black jeans before he stood and handed the bills to me. “There you go.”

 

“Thanks. I’m Willow.”

 

“Brody. See you around, Willow.”

 

“Who’s that?” A voice boomed behind me and I stumbled forward.

 

“Geez, Karen, don’t sneak up on people like that.”

 

“I wasn’t sneaking. You were preoccupied staring at the Scooby snack.” She smiled and quirked a pierced eyebrow that was colored black to match the black stripes in her long blonde hair.

 

“No I wasn’t.” I could feel the blush creeping over my cheeks and was glad we were standing in the shadows so she couldn’t see it.

 

“Whatever. Personally, I don’t give two shits if you look, but you’d better not let Jaden see you scoping out some random guy.”

 

“I think you’re seeing things. I wasn’t looking at anyone.” I stuffed the money into my pocket.

 

Maybe I can find the kid at school and give it back to him.

 

“I’m supposed to make sure you’re waiting at Jaden’s car.” Karen linked her arm around mine and pulled me toward the parking lot.

 

“What, you’re his personal spy and wrangler now?” I rolled my eyes. “I was on my way to his car. It’s not like he’s gonna hurry or anything. He takes longer than a girl to shower and change.”

 

Karen laughed. “True, but he wants you safely in the car while you wait for him to pretty himself up for you.”

 

The gravel parking lot crunched under our feet as we made our way to Jaden’s car. Karen kept her arm linked with mine like we were besties. We so weren’t. I could smell the reefer in her hair and cheap liquor on her breath.

 

When we reached Jaden’s cherry red Mustang, I slid into it and, with a sigh, sank into the soft black leather seats. I waited thirty minutes before Jaden sauntered out of the school and slipped into the car. He leaned over and wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me to him for a hard kiss, his tongue invading my mouth. Lifting his head, he smirked. “Hi. Sorry it took me so long,” he murmured, his hand snaking under my shirt.

 

Whatever. I’m used to waiting.

 

“That’s okay.” I held my e-reader between us. “I read while I waited.”

 

“You always have your nose in a book. You need to live a little.” Soft lips grazed across the skin of my neck.

 

“It’s kind of hard to live life on the wild side while I sit in your car and wait for you to blow dry your hair, Jaden.”

 

He pushed away and glared at me. “Check the attitude.”

 

He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot taking a left, the opposite direction of my subdivision.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“There’s a party at Jamieson’s.”

 

“I’ll miss curfew. I need to go home.” My hands balled into fists in my lap. I took a deep breath to stay calm. “Just because you don’t have a curfew doesn’t mean you can ignore the fact that I do.”

 

“Dammit, Wills, I’ll miss the half the party if I have to take you home,” he said through clenched teeth.

 

“Don’t call me that. I have to go home, Jaden. You know I have a curfew. Why do we have to fight about this every time we’re out?”

 

With a curse he made an illegal U-turn, tires screeched against the pavement and I grabbed the dash to steady myself.

 

He didn’t speak to me the rest of the ride, and when he pulled into my driveway ten minutes later, he shifted the car into reverse and waited for me to get out. I barely had time to shut the door before he squealed out of my drive and sped away.

 

Breathe. He won’t break me. Breathe. I’m stronger than him. Breathe. Just breathe.

 

“Willow? Is that you?” my mom called when I walked through the door.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Did you have a nice time at the game?” She walked around the corner and smiled at me.

 

I shrugged a shoulder. “I guess. We won.”

 

“That’s good, huh? Why the sad face, then?” She cupped my chin in her hand and lifted my face to look at her.

 

“Jaden. He’s mad because I couldn’t go to a party because of curfew.” I blew my hair out of my eyes.

 

“Oh. Well, next time just call me. You could have gone. As long as you’re with Jaden I know you’ll be okay.” She patted my cheek and kissed the tip of my nose.

 

If you only knew.

 

“I will next time. He’ll like that.”

 

“Better hurry up to bed. It’s getting late,” she told me, “but try to be quiet. Ralph has another migraine.”

 

That was code for: he-drank-himself-into-oblivion-and-passed-out. So we tiptoed around the house and spoke in quiet voices—we did not want to wake the beast.

 

I nodded and gave my mom a hug. “‘Night, Mom.”

 

I climbed the stairs and went into my bedroom. Closing the door behind me, I flipped the lock closed and tossed my things on my bed, before going into my bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I crawled in bed and closed my eyes and braced myself for the nightmare that was sure to meet me in my sleep.

 

The same scenes played over and over in my dreams. The secret no one could know—the one Jaden used to blackmail me. The one Ralph taunted my mom with. The secret that changed our lives. No. Ruined our lives. If she’d only done something. Anything. But she just stood there and watched. Listened.

 

And then it was over and the real nightmare began.

 

Breathe. Just breathe.

 

****

 

 

“Hey, Willow, I didn’t know you’d be here tonight. I thought Jaden hated these school dances?”

 

I sat down next to Jenna. “Jaden didn’t come with me.” I looked at Jenna’s date and smiled. “Hi.”

 

He nodded in greeting. Most guys didn’t speak to me. I dated Jaden. I was off limits and he made sure everyone knew it—and since most people were scared of him, they stayed at a safe distance.

 

“Oh. He let you off the leash tonight, huh?”  Jenna asked. Sarcasm laced her words.

 

“Something like that.” I shrugged and picked at the plastic table covering on the tables set up in the gym for the school’s fall welcome back dance.

 

I took in my surroundings. The gym was decorated in oranges, yellows and reds. Streamers hung from helium balloons floating overhead and brightly colored silk leaves were spread across the tables. Twinkle lights were strewn everywhere. A photographer had set-up at photo booth in one of the corners complete with bales of hay, dried cornstalks and pumpkins.

 

“Who’s on the decorating committee this year? These decorations are a disaster and the photographer’s booth looks more like a farm threw up in it than a fall scene.”

 

“I know, right? It’s heinous. The head of the decorating committee should be put in front of a firing squad.”

 

“You’re so funny.” I bumped my shoulder into Jenna’s. “You did a great job, Jenna, except for the photographer. I still say he missed the memo on the theme.” I giggled watching girls perch on top of the hay bales while their dates stood next to them waiting for their photo to be taken. All they needed was a pitchfork to hold and the look would’ve been complete.

 

“Yeah, well, it was either him or one of those giant blow up pumpkins you see in people’s yards.”

 

Jenna and I met in sixth grade, just after the first week of junior high. We shared a table in science class and it didn’t take long for us to become besties. Now we shared everything—well, almost everything.

 

There was one thing no one knew, not even my best friend. And it had to stay that way. Only, somehow Jaden found out. The thought made bile rise in my throat, leaving a fiery trail behind. And that’s why I stayed with him—so he’d keep my secret.

 

“Hey!” Jenna snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. “What world were you visiting?”

 

I looked at Jenna and smiled. Her flawless mocha skin and warm chocolate eyes, she was stunning. Her soft ringlets were styled in a perfect up-do to show off the backless soft pink, silk dress she didn’t just wear—she owned. When Jenna walked into a room people noticed. She would dominate America’s Next Top Model. I told her she totally needed to audition for the show after graduation.

 

“I’m here, just looking around at everyone. No one really changed over the summer.” I waved at some friends across the gym.

 

“Nope. Look at Kirsten dancing with Jason. Her dress is about to ride up so high she’s gonna give everyone a peek at what color her thong is. She’s as skanky as ever.”

 

I laughed. “Yup, and Jason still loves it.”

 

“Well, most guys are pigs. They’re probably all looking to see if they can get a peek.”

 

Her date huffed next to her. “I’m going to get something to drink.” His chair screeched across the floor when he stood.

 

“Who’s the guy?” I watched him stalk to the snack table and grab a cup of punch.

 

“Earl. He’s the one I told you moved down the street a few weeks ago. My ever so helpful mother told his mom that I’d show him around. They thought it’d be cute if we came to the dance together and I could introduce him to people. After all I didn’t have a date or anything.” Jenna rolled her eyes. “Sometimes I think my mother hates me.”

 

“So, why aren’t you mingling so he can get to know the high school hierarchy?” I twirled my finger around the expanse of the gym.

 

“Because I don’t particularly want to encourage another date so I’m trying to make this one miserable for both of us. He has the personality of a rock.” She dropped her forehead against the table, banging it several times, making the leaves shuffle across the plastic orange table covering.

 

“Keep knocking yourself in the head like that and your personality will match your date’s. You can be rocks together,” I said with a chuckle.

 

Her head on the table, Jenna turned and looked at me. “At least he’s easy to look at even if he is boring as sin.”

 

“Not as easy as that one.” I nodded my head toward the guy standing at the door guiding a girl out with his hand on her lower back.

 

“Holy rippled abs, Batman. We have a new hottie on campus.”

 

“Don’t get your panties in a wad, ladies.” Tim leaned his hip against our table next to me. “That’s Brody Victor. He just transferred from Stanton High. He’s the bad boy your mamas are always warning you about. You know, the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. Rumor has it he’ll date you ‘til he does you and then he’ll drop you cold.” Tim shrugged a shoulder and inspected his fingernails. “At least that’s what my cousin who goes to Stanton told me. And I have it on good authority that he did her and dropped her.”

 

“Hey, Tim, when’d you get here?” I hugged him before he sat next to me.

 

“Don’t hug me. My features are too delicate. They couldn’t withstand a run in with Jaden’s fist,” he whispered, looking around the gym.

 

“Jaden’s not here.” I bumped my shoulder into his. “You know he doesn’t do these dances.”

 

“How’d you manage to get him to let you come without him?” Jenna glanced at me over the rim of her paper cup.

 

My gaze fell to my lap and I mumbled, “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

 

“No, it’ll just hurt you if he finds out.” Jenna puffed out her cheeks and let out a breath.

 

“Well, we’ll just make sure he doesn’t find out, chickie.” Tim smiled and patted me on the hand. His mop of brown curls fell over his forehead and into his eyes and I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from giggling. Sometimes he reminded me of my neighbor’s labradoodle. But even with his untamed curls and puppy dog hazel eyes, he was one of the nicest people who ever lived in my opinion. He was my closest friend, next to Jenna.

 

Jenna looked over her shoulder. “Karen’s here.”

 

“No way!” My voice cracked and my heart dropped to my toes. “She’s supposed to be out of town with her parents. That was the reason I came tonight. I didn’t think the little hussy would be able to spy on me and report my every move to Jaden.” My stomach felt like someone put it in a blender and sweat beaded under my hair at the back of my neck.

 

“You have the worst luck, Willow, I swear.” Tim said.

 

“Don’t I know it. If she’s seen me, I’m sure she’s texted Jaden by now.” Momentarily forgetting Karen, my gaze slid up and down the school’s new hottie as I  tracked his movements across the gym. “I saw him at the football game last night.”

 

“Who?” Tim looked up from the napkin he was tearing into strips and lighting on fire with the lighter he had in his pocket.

 

“Geez, Tim. People are going to think you’re a pyromaniac if you don’t knock it off.” Jenna grabbed the pieces of napkin away from him.

 

“Yeah, I’m the chess club captain, first rate nerd, math geek and pyromaniac. I think I have my bases for unpopularity covered. My life mission is complete.”

 

I shook my head and laughed. “The new guy. He was at the game last night. He introduced himself to me. Sort of.”

 

“Clearly, he’s new to the school if he dared to introduce himself to you,” Jenna said. “He must not know about the Jaden property laws.”

 

“Stop it. I’m not his property and he knows it.” Jenna and Jaden didn’t play well together. Jenna was convinced he treated me like a piece of meat. Although I wouldn’t admit it, I didn’t totally disagree.

 

“Come on, Tim. Dance with me.” I pulled Tim from his chair by the arm. “You’re the only one that would get a free pass if Karen tells Jaden I was here.”

 

“Why?”

 

“‘Cause Jaden thinks you’re gay,” I answered, leading him to the dance floor. I heard Jenna laugh so hard she choked on her punch.

 

Tim and I swayed on the dance floor. His arms were wrapped loosely around my waist. I placed my hands on his shoulders. We kept a safe distance between us so we didn’t give anyone the wrong impression. We were just friends dancing together. Nothing more.

 

I didn’t see him come into the gym. It wasn’t until he was right behind Tim, ripping his arms away from me that I knew I had a problem and my heart did a nose dive.

 

“Put your hands on her again and you’ll lose them,” Jaden shouted. He always liked to make a scene.

 

“Jaden, you know Tim and I are just friends,” I said with a frustrated sigh.

 

“Get outta here,” Jaden growled at Tim through clenched teeth before grabbing me by the arm and pulling me off the dance floor.

 

“Knock it off. I wasn’t doing anything except dancing with a friend.” I tried to jerk away from Jaden’s grip. He tightened his hand around my arm.

 

“We’re leaving.”

 

“No. I’m staying. You can leave.”

 

Jaden turned and looked at me. A vein throbbed in his neck. “I’m not having my girl stay at some cheesy school dance and embarrassing me. There’s a party at Jamieson’s house. His parents are out of town. My people are there, not at some dumpy, loser filled school dance.”

 

“I’m not going to the party. It’s just an excuse for everyone to get drunk and hook-up.” I jerked my arm from his grasp and stepped away from him. I could feel the tips of my cheekbones heating. Adrenaline bounced off the walls of my veins.

 

Jaden jerked my purse off the chair and jammed it in under his arm. “Did you drive?” he asked quietly. That tone scared me more than him yelling.

 

I swallowed down a thick lump. “Yes.”

 

His hand shot out and grabbed my arm before I had an opportunity to move. “Let’s go. I’ll bring you back for your car later.” Jaden pulled me to the door of the gym. I looked back at Jenna. Her lips were pressed in a straight line. I hated what I saw in her eyes when she looked at me. Disappointment.

 

I wish I could tell you, Jenna. I wish you knew why I put up with his shit. Why I can’t kick the jackass in the nuts and lay him out on the floor like he deserves. But he knows. And as long as I do what he wants, he promised not to tell.

 

“How’d you know I was here?” Out of the corner of my eye I saw Karen smirk. The bitch.

 

“Karen texted me. Do you know how embarrassed I am to have you at a dance full of geeks and losers?”

 

Like your cousin Karen?

 

“Oh, and yanking me off the dance floor and dragging me out of the dance isn’t embarrassing?” I pushed at his hand, trying to pry it off me.

 

“Get in.” Jaden opened the door of his Mustang.

 

“I’m just going home,” I told him. “Let go of my arm, Jaden. You go to your dumbass party and I’ll go home. Problem solved.”

 

Jaden put a hand on my head and pushed it forward, and an arm under my legs. I let out a small scream when he lifted me off the ground. He shoved his knee against my hip to move me sideways into the car. “You’re going. Get. In. The. Car,” he said through clenched teeth. He slammed the door and walked around to the driver’s side and slid into his seat. I sat with my arms crossed over my chest and stared straight ahead. “Fasten your seatbelt.” Jaden drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel. “I’m not asking again, Willow.” The muscles in his neck were corded and his lips were puckered in a frown, and I knew he wasn’t giving in.

 

With a sigh I pulled the strap across my body and clicked the buckle into place. “I don’t want to go to the party. Just let me go home.”

 

“I don’t care what you want.”

 

“Willow, Jaden’s here,” my mom called.

 

I skipped down the stairs to meet him. He was gorgeous standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me with a bouquet of flowers. In it were two Birds of Paradise.

 

“This is for you.” He smiled and handed me the flowers.

 

“Birds of Paradise.” I fingered the flowers. “You remembered.” I looked at him and smiled wide.

 

It’d been weeks ago that we’d walked through the shops downtown. We passed a flower shop with a display of Birds of Paradise in the window. I’d never seen that them before and I told Jaden how beautiful I thought they were. How unique—their odd shape that really did resemble a bird at certain angles.

 

“Of course I remembered. I remember everything you say, Willow.” He brushed a lock of hair from my face.

 

I glanced at him through my lashes and smiled.

 

“Here,” my mom took the flowers, “let me put these in a vase so you two can get going.”

 

“Thanks, Mom.” Jaden and I started out the door. “So, where are we going?”

 

He threaded his fingers with mine as we walked to his car. “Well, Jamieson is having a party, but I know you aren’t really into those, so I thought we’d see a movie instead.”

 

I smiled up him and emotions filled me—so many I couldn’t identify them all.

 

I think that’s the night I fell for Jaden. I thought he was the most perfect boyfriend one this planet, or any other. Not many guys would give up a party with his football teammates for a girl. Just my guy.

 

I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.

 

Jaden squealed out of the parking lot, breaking through my memories and thrusting me back to the present. He cut off another car. The driver honked and Jaden flipped him off. I held on to the dashboard as he sped down the road, swerving in and out of traffic, driving at least twenty miles over the speed limit.

 

“How much have you had to drink?” I said, gripping the center console so tightly that my fingers turned white.

 

“Not enough.”

 

“So you’ve already been at Jamieson’s party.” He didn’t answer me. “So it’s okay for you to go to a party by yourself but I can’t go to a stupid school dance? Who were you hooking up with? Sarah?”

 

“Jealous, baby?” He smirked.

 

I rolled my eyes. “Disgusted.”

 

Jaden pulled up to Jamieson’s house. Cars were parked along both sides of the road. Jaden pulled into the driveway and took a sharp right into the front yard. He wouldn’t park his precious car near anyone else. Someone might touch it.

 

He threw the car in park and got out, not waiting to see if I’d follow.

 

The party was in full swing. Music blared, and people danced on the front lawn, laughing and acting like a bunch of drunken fools. One girl, I didn’t know her name but I’d seen her around school, was on her boyfriend’s shoulders, her tank top wrapped around her stomach. Her boobs on display for anyone who cared to take a peek. And Jaden did.

 

I closed my eyes and turned my face away. Tears pushed the back of my eyes demanding to be let free. I squeezed my eyes tighter.

 

“She’s pretty.” I watched the tall blonde walk across the room. She’d been crowned a member of the homecoming court during half-time at the game. “Her.” I nodded my head in her direction.

 

Jaden gave her a quick glance and shrugged a shoulder. “She’s okay. I think you’re beautiful.” He kissed the side of my neck up to my ear. “You’re the only girl I have eyes for.”

 

Jaden elbowed me to get my attention. “Get me something to drink, Wills,” he said, and dropped down on the porch steps next to one of his friends from the football team. They bumped fists and ogled the Vegas-showgirl-wanna-be.

 

Well he certainly has eyes for other girls now…at least their boobs. Crap. I hate these parties.

 

“Don’t call me that.” I hated Jaden’s nickname for me. I was certain that’s why he used it.

 

I pushed my way into the house and through the crowd of people to the kitchen where the kegs and a variety of other liquor were laid out. I grabbed a Coke from the fridge and a beer for Jaden. When I shoved my way back through the crowd to the porch, I saw Sarah in her tight mini skirt and clingy white T-shirt—barely long enough to cover her boobs—sitting next to Jaden. She had one arm wrapped around his waist, her finger hooked in a belt loop on his jeans, while the fingers on her other hand twisted a lock of his blonde hair around them. I rolled my eyes.

 

Skank. And Jaden isn’t much better. And I have to sit around and watch. There’s nothing I can do about it, and Jaden knows it.

 

There were always girls throwing themselves at Jaden and I was positive he’d caught a few. There were plenty of rumors about him hooking up with some girl at a party.

 

Jaden and my relationship had run its course months ago. I tried to break things off with him more than once, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He’d show up at my classes and follow me from class-to-class, making sure no guy came near me. He made it known that I was off limits whether we were dating or not.

 

Then one Monday morning he handed me an envelope just before my first period. Inside was a newspaper clipping and a note that read simply: ‘I know and I’ll tell.’ I knew I was screwed. I was his bitch. Do what he wanted, say what he wanted, go where he wanted, make sure the world revolved around Jaden—or he’d tell what she did. So breaking up with him wasn’t an option. I was stuck.

 

But it wasn’t all bad. After all, what girl didn’t want to date the captain of the football team and most popular, not to mention gorgeous, guy in school? Me, that’s who.

 

I’d been at the Jamieson’s party for two hours watching Sarah throw herself at Jaden. She didn’t seem to care that I was there. Of course, she was so drunk she probably didn’t know her own name. Jaden drank beer after beer and was almost as drunk as Sarah. I sat by and sipped my Coke, and watched them.

 

I didn’t drink alcohol. Well, I should say I didn’t drink anymore. I had my fair share of hang-overs after one of Jamieson’s parties, but I didn’t like losing control. When I’m drunk I lose control. My inhibitions fly out the window. I don’t like that feeling. Plus, my mom drinks a little too much and I had a stepdad before my mom married Ralph—my current stepdad—that drank way too much. I saw—lived—with what it did to them. No thank you. Not for me. Call me a prude, or whatever else you want, but I’m sticking with Coke.

 

“Me and Sarah are going to find somewhere quiet to talk,” Jaden whispered in my ear. His breath reeked of booze and I turned my face away.

 

Yeah, talk. That’s what you’ll be doing. Sure.

 

“Come with us.” He pulled me up by the arm.

 

“Nope.” I pushed his hand away and sat down on the porch step.

 

“Come on, Willow. It’ll be fun. I promise.”

 

Um, I’m not into that.

 

“Go do whatever it is you’re gonna do, Jaden. I’m not going with you.”

 

“He’s gonna do Sarah,” Jamieson slurred, leaning so close to my face I could smell the stench of liquor and cigarettes on his breath.

 

Everyone around us laughed. I walked away and wandered aimlessly around the huge yard, looking at the flowering bushes and flower garden surrounding a gazebo in the far back corner of the yard. It was beautiful and I made way toward it, admiring each new type of flower as I passed. The gazebo was wood, painted white. There was an intricate design in the railing and the eaves. The roof was rounded before it came to a point at the top. It looked like part of the Kremlin in Russia.

 

Preoccupied with the beautiful gazebo and the flower garden surrounding it, I didn’t pay attention to who might be inside and almost walked in on two people who most definitely did not want my company. The term: “get a room” took on a whole new meaning. It seemed “get a gazebo” worked well, too.

 

Yelling my apologies over my shoulder, I ran down the walk and across the yard until I came to the back deck of the house where I found a swing, and dropped onto it. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, swaying gently. The swing jostled when someone sat next to me, and my eyes shot open.

 

Please don’t be gazebo guy. I saw enough of him tonight.

 

“Great party, huh?” Natalie, a girl from my English class, said with a frown.

 

I made an I-hate-every-second-of-it face, but said, “Yeah. It’s wonderful.”

 

“I saw Jaden and Sarah. I’m sorry.”

 

I braced myself for the pity I’d see in her eyes. Instead I saw disgust, and for one tiny second, I didn’t feel so alone.

 

“Thanks.” I shrugged a shoulder. “I’m used to it. He’s a real douche when he’s drinking.”

 

“They all are.” She took a drink from the Dr. Pepper can she had in her hands. “You want to get out of here? I could drop you at your house.”

 

I let out a huge sigh. “If you could drop me at the school so I can pick-up my car it would be wonderful. Thanks so much.”

 

When I got home, I went straight to my bedroom and fell across my bed. My phone chimed that I had a message. I knew it was from Jaden and I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. So I turned my phone off and slipped into my boxers and T-shirt and climbed into bed. I closed my eyes and waited for the nightmares to begin.

 

Breathe. You’re strong. Breathe. Just breathe.

 

 

 

Michelle
Latest posts by Michelle (see all)